Somewhere ... in this techno-trend, accelerated existence, we’ve lost the art of 'making home.'
Article / Aquarius / September ©2000
I received an e-mail the other day. It was a forward of a forward. Normally my commitment to prioritizing time spent in cyber space puts those at the bottom of my “to read” list, but the subject was home. Being a key component in my work, a decision was in order. I broke my cyber rule and opened the file.
It was cute. Dubiously dubbed Home Ec 2000. Contrasting old school lessons of Home Economics with the reality of experiences today, it went something like this:
- THEN: How to make nutritious meals, served in a calm, controlled home setting by a tidy, together Mom.
- NOW: How to make reservations for meals, served in a hectic restaurant setting by a slightly stressed server.
I had to chuckle. Home Ec “then” was like witnessing another planetary existence. Certainly we’d come a long way in our emancipation efforts. As a teen that bridged the 60′s to the 70′s, I’d opted not to take Home Ec, or typing for that matter. I viewed these electives as conspiracies designed to limit creative, artistic expression and world exploration. Though I must admit, as I labor at this keyboard, typing would have been a handy thing to learn. Back then, with the debut of color TV, who’d have thought computers would become such an integral part of our homes.
With dual income families, home businesses, single parenting, all that Home Ec advice seems pretty outmoded. And, with all the improvements since those days – microwave ovens, fax machines, pagers, cell phones – who needs it? All we have to do is go with the flow of technology and we’re set for life. Or should I say, all we have to do is keep up with the flow of technology, what life?!
Knowing how to sign on the dotted line and turn the key doesn’t necessarily mean knowing how to create a home. Often, after turning the key, who has time to think? Keeping it involves us in a myriad of activities to support it. But does it support us and our relationships? How and where do we begin, without sacrificing precious time? We have calls to return, businesses to run, bills to pay, e-mails to answer! The word is out. Forget this multi-dimensional stuff! The goal is now to be multi-task oriented.
Trouble is, when we come home at the end of the day to crash – excuse me, to replenish body, mind and spirit – the dirty dishes are still in the sink. There’s food in the frig, but nothing to make a meal. We wonder, staring at the jar of pickles and bottle of ketchup, if that book “Condiments: 100 Easy Recipes” is out yet. There’s no clean “leisure” clothes to change into and we’re out of laundry soap. As we glance at the kitchen table, that possesses awesome magnetic power for drawing non-magnetic items, an overdue bill that should have been mailed this morning on our way to the dry cleaners to drop off the suit for tomorrow’s meeting, glares back. Simultaneously, we realize we’re out of stamps and forgot to pick up that suit on our way home. So much for the benefits of multi-task orientation.
Stress level going up a few notches? Well, shove those jogging shoes and self help books aside and find that CD we like to meditate to. Let’s focus. Breathe deeply. Is that the cat’s litter box?
Sound familiar? Somewhere in this techno-trend, accelerated existence, we’ve lost the art of “making home.” Or, perhaps the unintended inference of technological advances has been that the “art” is replaceable. That advantages these time saving devices offer far outweigh the stress they bring with them. Dulled by technology’s siren song, we rouse in these landing strips called home and find the responsibility for creating our environment and understanding our choices still ultimately rests on our shoulders. If we’ve lost our sense of self in the blur, that’s a weighty proposition. Structuring our time and sculpting our space can feel pretty overwhelming.
Growing interest in Feng Shui, ways to unclutter and organize, color healing, personal altars, intentional communities, sacred sites, reflects our recognition of a need to find meaning and harmony in the spaces around us.
Whether we’re drawn to Chinese, Celtic or Native American beliefs, awareness holds as our most valuable key to personal empowerment. Using this key, we come to see how the space around us reflects clues to why things are the way they are in our lives. When combined with intention and action, taken in our home to make a haven, amazing things unfold. We accept partnership in a living dialog. Much of this we intuitively sense – when we slow down. We re-direct the lighting, re-position the props, paint a new backdrop, re-cue the orchestra, and change costume to support the scripts of our lives. Hmm. Home Ec is starting to sound like Theater 101.
Is there really such a difference? Home is where the art is. Art with a heart! Our souls have been calling out for us to awaken and what better place, for starters, than our own bed? Pretty metaphoric, when you think about it.
The past few days have been, for me, spent in bed with the flu … the second bout of flu symptoms that I’ve had in the past three weeks. And yes, “awakening” from my own bed, has been more of an undertaking than normally it ever is.
I read this article on “Home Ec” and thought about how well-intended I was when I said my taxes would be mailed by Feb. 1st. (no delays or excuses this year). My bills would be mailed by the end of the month’s first week. At work, I was trying to achieve the goal of completing all paperwork for the year 2006. Instead, I’ve been in bed – grateful, that a week or two ago, I did as a dear friend recommended; and I doubled that recipe for home-made soup; half is still in the freezer, ready to nurture me now.
I am grateful that in-between these bouts of flu, I actually was motivated to clean the house – and miraculously, it has remained clean.
As my “ego voice” pushes me forward, telling me “you’d best get to work tomorrow, or else”, I find myself, instead, wondering if this flu has been a time for reflection and rest – gratitude for the small but nurturing little things that were seeded last week and have come to an early blossoming.
I remind myself, that when I don’t MAKE time for me, the body will TAKE time for me. And grateful as I am for that balance, I am also reminded that the lesson comes so much easier when the choices are consciously made with intention. So next month, instead of prioritizing the bills and the taxes and the paperwork at the office, I’ll make the extra pot of soup and notice its aroma lingering through the house. I’ll lay that strip of insulation in the bathroom and notice the added warmth in my home. I’ll lounge in bed the extra minutes to read a favorite passage, before watching the clock and being alarmed by how late the day is already. I will practice more awareness from my own home first, before running into the world.
Thank you, Bernadette, for both the article and the reminder. (I feel better already).
You are so right with the not stopping to MAKE time for yourself. Failure to do so inevitably results in the body’s TAKING the time to rest and recuperate. How did we get to this point? Certainly the generations that came before us understood the need for rest. God gave us a whole day to rest. He planned that for us. Almost arrogantly, we continue to be a slave to expectations of others and ourselves.
I laugh when I think of this concept. I was in high school when I realized that my mind and intentions were going in one direction and my body was vehemently arguing and pulling in the other. I will never forget telling myself that in no way could I be sick and miss a week of school. That was not going to happen. I had two term papers due, an exciting field trip, which I had waited all semester to attend, and of course final exams! No one living had missed final exams. The doctor announced that I had pneumonia and indeed my social life came to a roaring stop! I ended up spending three weeks in bed, and the only good thing I remember was the fact that Mrs. Glenn brought her portable TV and placed it on my bureau. I enjoyed watching continuous programming. How addictive daytime television was even then! When I was little, a cold, a runny nose, or cough were not reason enough to miss school. In third grade, I realized that the sickness that would guarantee a school absence was the stomach virus and the accompanying symptoms! I still smell the Lysol spray. Again, there was only one thing good about the virus. My mother would fix me a glass of Ginger Ale, Coke, or Sprite carefully poured over crushed ice accompanied with a straw and a pack of Ritz crackers. We only bought sodas when we were sick. These beverages were not included on a fixed budget. Somehow I learned to find the blessing in the curse of being sick.
As an adult, I have realized that sometimes the only way for me to get rest is to get sick. As a mom, a student, an employee, or as a boss, we feel that we cannot be sick. I confess, sometimes illness has been my way of saying “time out” when I was incapable choosing to rest and be at peace with it. Some people get sick and stay sick to seek attention. I daresay there were problems with communication before they began these behaviors.
Isn’t that how illness works? It is never convenient and invariably occurs when we have really important things planned. I have never been sick when it was okay to just stop. Most of us experience this shut down as we do an automobile that will not crank. We go to the car on the frosty morning, get in and then nothing happens. We are shocked that it won’t crank. We had carefully ignored the warning light on the dashboard, the weird sounds that the engine emitted, and the letter from the dealership stating it was time for a tune-up. We were and are too busy. Thus we have the scenario of the frosty morn, the car that refuses to run, and appointments on our calendar that are six months old!??Our self-care at the beginning of an illness usually consists of increasing our vitamins and water intake in addition to carrying an extra jacket and a box of Kleenex. We usually do not stop at the first sign of a sniffle or a cough. As the illness progresses, we tend to ignore the symptoms until it gets too bad. How sick does one have to be to continue going on with his or her daily routine? For some of us, it is the onset of fever. For others, we call our local physician’s office and request an antibiotic to be picked up at the super center while we are picking up the dry cleaning and grabbing another bag of dog food. This works for some. I have even known people who change doctors just because their physician will not do this “service.” At this point, we begin to barter with ourselves just a bit and then begin to whittle down our “to do” list. This list was humanly impossible to complete when we made it, so striking a few things off the list is still overwhelming. At this point we still have not adjusted our daytime, evening, our bedtime routines.
My daddy always said to us that if we didn’t take a mental or physical health day, we would have one sooner or later—our bodies would TAKE/DEMAND one. He always followed that statement with, “Would you like to choose when it is going to be taken?” Dad was and is right about our bodies. Remember they were created for rest—at least one day out of seven. I challenge you as I challenge myself, pick your day off before your body gets to your schedule!