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GRATITUDE WHILE DODGING BULLETS
It’s easy to feel grateful when life is good. And it’s not too much of a strain to reach for it when life is so-so. But finding and maintaining an attitude of gratitude while dodging bullets? That’s a dedicated decision.
Before You Pass This Tool Up
I know there’s already tons of material out there touting the benefits of gratitude and appreciation. As key to the law of attraction, gratitude is enjoying quite a comeback. (Apparently our fast-paced society rendered its power a ‘secret’ to some.)
The path of gratitude – as a way for a ‘want’ to become a ‘get’ – is certainly a more positive approach to acquisition than some this world has witnessed. But limiting gratitude to conditional comfort zones is like restricting a Ferrari motor to a Yugo frame. (Don’t remember the Yugo? Precisely my point.)
Don’t Get Me Wrong
You can never have too much gratitude – of any kind. It is the one thing I encourage clutter clients to collect freely. Gratitude doesn’t jam up closets and knows how to share garage space with your car. You can’t grow out of it. It is never out of style. And I don’t know anyone who has died from an overdose of it. (A heart overflowing with gratitude and appreciation actually feels pretty good.)
But what of gratitude when you find yourself caught in the crossfire? When the emotional bullets start to ricochet and you seem to be the target?
Time To Ditch The Yugo Framework!
When gratitude is allowed to rev up to its full potential and determine its own framework, it becomes a powerful force for healing THROUGH ANY SITUATION. And its effect is exponential.
A Confession
I am going to share with you the only homework that Sandra gave me that I did not follow through on exactly as instructed. I do, however, have an excellent yes-but excuse to go with my not doing it her way. In my defense, I am pretty sure at the onset of our therapy sessions – when she gave me this homework – she did not expect me to do so much extra curricular journaling. Frankly, neither did I.
Sandra’s intention with the gratitude journal was that I create a place (and mindset) where I diligently expressed gratitude so I could experience its power to heal the circumstances I found myself in. I did start the journal as she suggested but got lazy in reaching for it when gratitude flowed just as easily onto the pages of my daily writing. In not isolating my gratitude I discovered its power as a reframing device when challenged with unanticipated hurdles. (Today, I would do it her way and mine!)
3 WAYS TO DODGE BULLETS WITH GRATITUDE
A Companion Guide Suggestion ...
Dodge #1 Starts with Sandra’s Homework.
• Get a separate notebook. Dedicate this notebook to gratitude and forgiveness. (This is not a general, “I’m grateful for whatever-comes-to-mind” journal. This one challenges you to hone an attitude of gratitude in a specifically hurtful or frustrating circumstance. A practice that takes you beyond the pain and out of the Yugo framework.)
• Write, “Gratitude and Forgiveness Journal for __________” on the cover. (Get specific! Mine was for my challenged relationship with Ray and our failed marriage.)
• Flip to the first page. Write, “This booklet contains my gratitude and forgiveness list, manifesting in a better relationship with ______ or better. I intend to hold onto gratitude for these things with ______.” (What you are grateful for becomes the foundation for a new and better relationship with yourself, your job, your significant other, your health, your money …)
• This notebook is where you practice reaching for gratitude. (This notebook is also your quick reference guide when you feel yourself slipping.)
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Dodge # 2 Starts with Writing Under Fire.
• Invite gratitude into your morning pages writing. Think of your specific situation and list everything that you can find to be grateful for. If you feel stuck or resistant, write with your other hand. (See Tool #1.) Or exaggerate with humor. (No censoring!)
“Gee, I’m glad he took that noisy washing machine when he left. Now I get to meet new people at the Laundromat.”
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Dodge #3 Starts with an Argument?
Practice gratitude while in an argument. Yes, I know it’s a stretch. This dodge does not provide that feel-good kind of gratitude but it does pump the brakes in an escalating argument. (A sense of humor definitely helps here, even if your internal dialog starts with a dry wit.)
“What dedication I have to always being right! I’m grateful for my qualities of determination and dependability …”
“What an exciting relationship we have. I love how expressive and dramatic he is …”
“Here we go with the litany of wrongdoings. What an amazing memory she has …”
One of the things that amazed me in the days of Bernadette’s Pages was how beautifully gratitude resided with – and healed – pain. (Sometimes I got freebie-doses of it but most times I had to consciously choose it.)
So, now it’s your turn to try!
Yes, Mom, we're grateful you coaxed us out of the storm drain with tuna. Can we go back to sleep now?
Gratitude while dodging the bullets will help you to
• Reframe, refocus and redirect
• Stop ‘scripting’ yourself as a victim
• Heal and balance years of misdirected energy
• Feel loved and cared for so you can get on with living your life!
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A Few “Under Fire” Samples
• Pg. 89 – “ How odd to be in such pain …”
• Pg. 97 – 98 – “Felt loved and cared for …”
• Pg. 110 – “He did this so I could have more …”
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A Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages – Copyright 2009
So, this is the place for those of you who have questions about Tool #4 to get answers – and those of you with experience, strength, and hope to jump in and share. (By the way, the word gratitude shows up 27 times in this post. Told you we can never have too much!)
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Tags: gratitude, journaling, reframing, relationships
OK, there’s no way I’m going to do any of that (journaling is an act I love to do so I can look back on things, but I do very infrequently), but it made me take a breath and I felt better just from listening to your wisdom.
I’ll try to implement it in my brain, and just remember gratitude as a better attitude to have than some of my bad behavior. (I try to be nice to the mechanical telephone voice, but I always end up cursing it out after about 10 minutes. OOPS I had another AT&T moment today.)
Debbie
Mechanical telephone voices are wonderful ‘places’ to vent. I’m quite grateful for them!
(Isn’t it paradoxical – companies that provide communication links for so many are challenged to communicate. I ponder these things in my own AT&T moments.) Hey, on the upside, because of those mechanical voice prompts I can still count. Although it can be a challenge to remember more than 4 “If you wish to …” choices!