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GRATITUDE WHILE DODGING BULLETS
It’s easy to feel grateful when life is good. And it’s not too much of a strain to reach for it when life is so-so. But finding and maintaining an attitude of gratitude while dodging bullets? That’s a dedicated decision.
Before You Pass This Tool Up
I know there’s already tons of material out there touting the benefits of gratitude and appreciation. As key to the law of attraction, gratitude is enjoying quite a comeback. (Apparently our fast-paced society rendered its power a ‘secret’ to some.)
The path of gratitude – as a way for a ‘want’ to become a ‘get’ – is certainly a more positive approach to acquisition than some this world has witnessed. But limiting gratitude to conditional comfort zones is like restricting a Ferrari motor to a Yugo frame. (Don’t remember the Yugo? Precisely my point.)
Don’t Get Me Wrong
You can never have too much gratitude – of any kind. It is the one thing I encourage clutter clients to collect freely. Gratitude doesn’t jam up closets and knows how to share garage space with your car. You can’t grow out of it. It is never out of style. And I don’t know anyone who has died from an overdose of it. (A heart overflowing with gratitude and appreciation actually feels pretty good.)
But what of gratitude when you find yourself caught in the crossfire? When the emotional bullets start to ricochet and you seem to be the target?
Time To Ditch The Yugo Framework!
When gratitude is allowed to rev up to its full potential and determine its own framework, it becomes a powerful force for healing THROUGH ANY SITUATION. And its effect is exponential.
A Confession
I am going to share with you the only homework that Sandra gave me that I did not follow through on exactly as instructed. I do, however, have an excellent yes-but excuse to go with my not doing it her way. In my defense, I am pretty sure at the onset of our therapy sessions – when she gave me this homework – she did not expect me to do so much extra curricular journaling. Frankly, neither did I.
Sandra’s intention with the gratitude journal was that I create a place (and mindset) where I diligently expressed gratitude so I could experience its power to heal the circumstances I found myself in. I did start the journal as she suggested but got lazy in reaching for it when gratitude flowed just as easily onto the pages of my daily writing. In not isolating my gratitude I discovered its power as a reframing device when challenged with unanticipated hurdles. (Today, I would do it her way and mine!)
3 WAYS TO DODGE BULLETS WITH GRATITUDE
A Companion Guide Suggestion ...
Dodge #1 Starts with Sandra’s Homework.
• Get a separate notebook. Dedicate this notebook to gratitude and forgiveness. (This is not a general, “I’m grateful for whatever-comes-to-mind” journal. This one challenges you to hone an attitude of gratitude in a specifically hurtful or frustrating circumstance. A practice that takes you beyond the pain and out of the Yugo framework.)
• Write, “Gratitude and Forgiveness Journal for __________” on the cover. (Get specific! Mine was for my challenged relationship with Ray and our failed marriage.)
• Flip to the first page. Write, “This booklet contains my gratitude and forgiveness list, manifesting in a better relationship with ______ or better. I intend to hold onto gratitude for these things with ______.” (What you are grateful for becomes the foundation for a new and better relationship with yourself, your job, your significant other, your health, your money …)
• This notebook is where you practice reaching for gratitude.(This notebook is also your quick reference guide when you feel yourself slipping.)
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Dodge # 2 Starts with Writing Under Fire.
• Invite gratitude into your morning pages writing. Think of your specific situation and list everything that you can find to be grateful for. If you feel stuck or resistant, write with your other hand. (See Tool #1.) Or exaggerate with humor. (No censoring!)
“Gee, I’m glad he took that noisy washing machine when he left. Now I get to meet new people at the Laundromat.”
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Dodge #3 Starts with an Argument?
Practice gratitude while in an argument. Yes, I know it’s a stretch. This dodge does not provide that feel-good kind of gratitude but it does pump the brakes in an escalating argument. (A sense of humor definitely helps here, even if your internal dialog starts with a dry wit.)
“What dedication I have to always being right! I’m grateful for my qualities of determination and dependability …”
“What an exciting relationship we have. I love how expressive and dramatic he is …”
“Here we go with the litany of wrongdoings. What an amazing memory she has …”
One of the things that amazed me in the days of Bernadette’s Pages was how beautifully gratitude resided with – and healed – pain. (Sometimes I got freebie-doses of it but most times I had to consciously choose it.)
So, now it’s your turn to try!
Yes, Mom, we're grateful you coaxed us out of the storm drain with tuna. Can we go back to sleep now?
Gratitude while dodging the bullets will help you to
• Reframe, refocus and redirect
• Stop ‘scripting’ yourself as a victim
• Heal and balance years of misdirected energy
• Feel loved and cared for so you can get on with living your life!
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A Few “Under Fire” Samples
• Pg. 89 – “ How odd to be in such pain …”
• Pg. 97 – 98 – “Felt loved and cared for …”
• Pg. 110 – “He did this so I could have more …”
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A Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages – Copyright 2009
So, this is the place for those of you who have questions about Tool #4 to get answers – and those of you with experience, strength, and hope to jump in and share. (By the way, the word gratitude shows up 27 times in this post. Told you we can never have too much!)
Did you miss it? CLICK HERE to see the 2-minute video book trailer!
UPDATE: May 10, 2012: Awaiting the Divorce papers. My soon to be EX husband’s moving boxes stacking around me. I find myself using this tool a lot these days … and grateful at how “well-practiced” I am at gratitude. As a middle-aged woman revving up her motor to see what is around the bend, oddly enough the bullets are not coming from me or my soon to be ex … but OTHERS ideas about what is and is not possible in the repurposing of a 36 year marriage … as well as “shoulds” and “should nots” … most interesting.
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Tags: gratitude, journaling, reframing, relationships
OK, there’s no way I’m going to do any of that (journaling is an act I love to do so I can look back on things, but I do very infrequently), but it made me take a breath and I felt better just from listening to your wisdom.
I’ll try to implement it in my brain, and just remember gratitude as a better attitude to have than some of my bad behavior. (I try to be nice to the mechanical telephone voice, but I always end up cursing it out after about 10 minutes. OOPS I had another AT&T moment today.)
Debbie
Mechanical telephone voices are wonderful ‘places’ to vent. I’m quite grateful for them!
(Isn’t it paradoxical – companies that provide communication links for so many are challenged to communicate. I ponder these things in my own AT&T moments.) Hey, on the upside, because of those mechanical voice prompts I can still count. Although it can be a challenge to remember more than 4 “If you wish to …” choices!
Awaiting the Divorce papers. My soon to be EX husband’s moving boxes stacking around me. I find myself using this tool a lot these days … and grateful at how “well-practiced” I am at gratitude. As a middle-aged woman revving up her motor to see what is around the bend, oddly enough the bullets are not coming from me or my soon to be ex … but OTHERS ideas about what is and is not possible in the repurposing of a 36 year marriage … as well as “shoulds” and “should nots” … most interesting.
On Gratitude and Change:
Every human being takes their journey and perceives their lives in uniquely different ways. Those that love you two will offer their support and be grateful for your decisions. Those who are not truly invested in the expression of the human endeavor will offer their judgment and “opinion” in a manner with which THEY perceive themselves in YOUR situation. A soulful person learns to take the best and be grateful for the rest. It’s easy to identify those who wish you harm…I think…it’s more difficult to identify good intentioned souls offering advice from perhaps more fearful perspectives and comfort zones. Determine what works for you, and what needs to politely be shed, is up to us….just IMO
Well SAID! Thank you for sharing that, Joseph!
One Days Journey-A Lifetime in the Making
My Journey begins at 7:00 am at the moment I step into my car and my journey concludes at 9:00 am when I finally arrive at my destination.
It has become my custom to use the time I have in my car for my thoughts, my ideas, my rantings, my whining, my tears, my confessions, my conversations with my Guides and Angels, with starlings and the Sun, with the Universe and certainly with my Higher Self and the Divine.
It has become my most coveted space and I have come to love, losing myself to all that I am grateful for and more often than not, I am brought to my knees and humbled in recognizing what is or has become so clearly ego. I find the time in my car has helped me to become more accustomed to recognizing the beauty of the lessons and the luxury of a happy heart. Thank you.
A brand new journey which starts at 7:00 every day.
I am most grateful for this time. Thank you for that.
Maybe coincidence but ironic none the less, that I was contemplating rewriting my history in the afternoon, and by the events that occurred in the evening, my best way to sum it up would be that my history had been rewritten. I would have to say that it was nothing less than a “Colossal Cosmic Klunk”. Thank you for that.
I suppose, that to put things in the past, or better, to let go of the past entirely would be the wiser thing to do. But what if I was not really conscious or aware of what should be let go of or put back? I guess the greater therapy is if I put the past in front of me and I watch it closely from behind. Having watched it, it is like a chameleon. The surprise is, when you discover it in its hiding place, you find oddly enough, that it was in front of you all the time.
As much as I would love it to be, it is not magical or extraordinary to see something from a different vantage point. Perhaps a bit difficult to accept some of the facts that have shown themselves, but nevertheless, there is absolutely no confusion about the reality or the clarity that has come to me. Is it magic or more likely, seeing for the first time.
So here’s the thing. From this new perspective, I am not where I thought I was, and certainly this creates huge changes to where I imagined I was going. I wonder if I am just waking now. I suspect that with this one small result it will have set in motion a chain of events that have all the makings of a brand new trajectory point. The beauty of which, I believe the possibilities are infinite.
And for that, I am grateful. Thank you.
Donna
xo
Bernadette, you seem to be the voice of the words that run through me.
My gratitude to you is monumental.
You are amazing.