On Angels’ Wings


  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO



Spirit Dialog & Journal, March 4, 1994 • “The pain is intense. I keep trying to remind myself that this is pain for what may come, not pain for this very second. This very second, Ray is in bed. Moments before, I lay in his arms. Awake. Trying to keep my mind from racing to the time when he will not be here.”

2010: I had no sooner finished writing those words when, to my surprise, I found myself scribing these!

“Let go. Let go. Trust God. That’s all you truly have, Bernadette … if you are to live through this pain, you must use every tool you have ever learned to stay in the moment. … We know you wanted to dump your feelings on paper here, but nothing new would have been written this morning. More important than your knowing the connection, is your accepting the connection with us. We are here.”

We are here?

“Trust your Father. Give Ray to Him. Give yourself to Him. You could go no further this way, singularly nor as a couple. Drastic measures are necessary because your aspirations are high. Let go and this will greatly accelerate the lesson.”


“Perhaps she [the other woman] is someone you love dearly who would offer this gift, this challenge for you and Ray to know your true Selves. So think on that.”

Think on that? OUCH!

We are here? Surrender.  A NOW decision.
Lesson? Trust. A NOW decision.
Think on that? Reframe.  A NOW decision.

None of which I could do at that time. But it was GOD (Good Orderly Direction) and more than a few of His Angels that guided me to where I am today.

LISTEN. Do you hear the flutter of Angels’ wings?

What does it take to capture your attention? Where are you with surrender? Trust? Reframing? Feel free to share your thoughts.

  • About This Post: I’m attempting to merge the nine months recorded in Bernadette’s Pages with the present here – but still can’t figure out how to format it in a neat and tidy way. So, it’s probably going to be raw and choppy in places. I’ll throw in some quotes and bullets to guide you along. If I lose you somewhere, let me know. I’ll come back to get you.


The Messy Room and my Facebook Page are two ways that I share the “HOW” of it! Please join me and SPREAD THE WORD. You CAN get here from there!

Excerpts ©2006 from Bernadette’s Pages: An Intimate Crossroad

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12 thoughts on “On Angels’ Wings

  • March 4, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Okay. I know a lot of folks who read this blog … but who say they are shy about commenting … especially being the first! I’m breaking the ice. If you all knew each other the way I know you … you wouldn’t be shy at all! And to those who are “new” to this blog … WELCOME! You are not here by accident!

    • March 5, 2010 at 7:50 pm

      Hi Bernadette ~ Again, as I read, it puts me right on the verge of tears,…the only thing that keeps me from not going there is knowing how the story continues (I don’t want to say how the story ends ’cause it’s still going on : )).

      The thing that came to me about “merging” is – what if you take sentences or sections of what you’re sharing and reflect on what you feel as you read those entries from 16 yrs. ago and then do a “now moment” saying how/what you feel in this moment. To me, that’s what could separate everything you’re sharing from a lot of what’s available to read, etc. It’s easy to find books, internet material, etc..that provide tools and inspirational quotes. What I don’t think is so easy to find is someone that’s willing to open their heart soooo wide, allow themselves to be vulnerable and share feelings so openly. For me, it always has to go back to feelings…<3 <3 <3

      • March 6, 2010 at 10:28 am

        Thanks for the feedback, Michele! If I understand what you are saying I see that I kinda went there with the next post. (Answered Prayer?) I added a bit about time-traveling at the bottom and that was fun. I’ll keep trying to move in that direction … but that Bernadette in ’94 was a writing fiend! I’m huffing and puffing to keep up!

    • March 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

      It’s March 4, 2011 and I’m cutting in. To think that in 1994 I wrote that and today, this morning, I shared time with Ray. Sipping coffee and talking about art … his art … my art … in his studio. Helping each other grow and glow in what we share a passion for. Wow! We’re reaching back in time to those two kids with gratitude.

  • March 6, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    I agree with Michele.
    All of the “self-help” books out there are wonderful. I’m not knocking them. I know, truly, they were written with the best of intentions.

    But sometimes we feel “lost” reading those books ~ kind of like “Okay, I know what the author is saying, but…..”

    “Bernadette’s Pages” is the only book I know ( okay, so maybe it wasn’t originally written as a “self help” book for others ) that really lets the reader FEEL what is going on.

    The difference is that when we feel, we emote.
    When we emote, we create.
    When we emote with the intention of healing ….
    well, it’s POWERFUL !

    The raw “open-ness and vulnerability” that Michele is talking about is what makes this book so different, SO POWERFUL !

    It is definitely a JOURNEY that the reader takes with the writer.
    Its a “PUT YOUR SEAT-BELTS ON” kind of book!!!!

    Then, now, 16 years ago, or in this moment – ( heck ! Time doesn’t really exist anyway) – I have taken the journey ( still do sometimes ) of reading this book, feeling the rawness, seeing myself and my world so differently … in essence – emoting – healing – ending up with gratitude instead of pain.

    ( what I would do to be in the advertising business! The world so needs a different lens like this one )

    I am so grateful that excerpts from the book are now being shared in this venue, in this format.


    • March 6, 2010 at 3:33 pm

      Sandra ~ I don’t know what you actually do (when you say “what I would do to be in the advertising business); but, whether you’re getting paid (or not) – that was one very powerful revue/ad for the book. Maybe you’re being called to move in that direction??

      Yes, tools are good..especially if it’s something concrete (a tool like “Let Go & Let God” is a little more difficult – as is “surrender”); but, often they seem to lack passion and be more “matter-of-fact”. Finding people who are willing to share their stories – accepting everything as being in Divine Order, no matter what the circumstances are and trusting…as you give thanks for whatever this situation or challenge is knowing that in the process that growth comes …well, I don’t think that comes along very often.

      I believe that it’s also a reminder that the “soul-mate” that we often are looking for or attracted to isn’t necessarily the person we get along best with, have the most in common or want to spend every moment with. It’s the person that challenges us to be the highest expression of who we were created to be and supports our soul’s growth.

  • March 6, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    PS~ Bernadette – I don’t think you’ve heard my song “Faith, Hope & Trust”, but, I realized as I was practicing it for tomorrow that it reminded me of your journey. I think you can view it here
    otherwise, just go to youtube and put in the title : )

    • March 7, 2010 at 12:55 am

      Thank You so much, Michele, for sharing this link on our blog! (It works perfectly.) Your words speak beautifully to the process that Ray and I went through. Faith Hope and Trust … THEN AND NOW! Keep sharing your light and singing your songs!

  • March 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

    I read this book and was greatly moved by its process. Empowering reading for any gender…If I ever had an opportunity to make one film. This would be the script. I see real potential in moving and relating not only with women, but with men also. Every man has lessons in here to learn. As to “throw it out” lose someone” “let me know”…Do what I’ve done in the past (although I’m not in the same league as you and these contributors writing wise..) Scribble real fast standing on one foot. Dip the paper in warm water for about 30 seconds until the words smear together and post it as interpretive. I got my first PULITZER that way! 🙂 There is great wisdom forged from great fire in this work….

    • March 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm

      Okay, J.m. Your PULITZER comment made me think I need to pull out the original journalling and do a photo shoot of the scribbled … I mean scribed pages …and post them. (Only I didn’t need warm water to smear them … just salty tears.) I sometimes think of how awful and “whinee and snivelee” they are and wonder what I was thinking to publish them. What? Hope? Where? I should have “cleaned it up” and shortened it as I half suspect that many folks can’t get through March and April’s angst! 🙂

      As for “in the same league” … drop the humility stuff it doesn’t suit you. You inspire me (and many) daily on Facebook and with your videos, my friend.

      As for a movie? WOW. I am honored that you would think that. But you know how temperamental script writers can be. THEN … if Ray and I are still alive when that happens … well, there’s our view of it all … but THEN … it might be fun. Do you think we could get a young Richard Gere type to play Ray? Excuse me while I ponder that!

  • March 5, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    Yet again Bernadette, you have compelled me to sit here and pontificate on Surrender and you have me wondering about my own surrender.
    You know one of the rules of a pendulum, is that you don’t ask the same question twice. Being that the pendulums Spidey senses kick in and the pendulum suspects you have no trust in the first answer. So you don’t do it. Having said that, I am thinking about how many times I have surrendered. I wonder, if the rules are the same. Can you surrender one fear at a time or do you have to Surrender to everything all at once. So have I surrendered? Or has every surrender been overrided because a new surrender was submitted.
    Takes a lot of tears to surrender. I wonder if you surrender to everything all at once, do the tears ever stop. I will have to ask the pendulum.
    There is much healing going on right now. From what I have experienced, it took about 76 surrenders to forgive somebody completely. Not everybody certainly, but the hard to forgive ones for sure and that is not even counting the 1000 times I have said “Oh brother, I give up.”

    • March 6, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      You always make me smile “anonymous.” On how many times one need surrender … maybe 76 x 7 x 7. I do believe my eyes are glued open on this one … the surrender ferrets are starting to pull out their “treasures” from unanticipated places. I would love to do one massive surrender but it seems to be important to my process that I SEE what is “going” so I know that grace has visited. Getting to dive deep again. Taking a BIG BREATH. 🙂 xo

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