Comments on: How Dare He? http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:54:55 -0800 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Antony Ant http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-1459 Antony Ant Sun, 13 Mar 2011 22:20:42 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-1459 Squeek...:) Squeek…:)

]]> By: Bernadette http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-1458 Bernadette Sun, 13 Mar 2011 16:31:22 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-1458 I am deeply touched by your willingness to share your experience, Joseph. Thank you. And I know that there will be someone who will come along and read this post ... and it will be YOUR words that they will be looking for ... and your words will, perhaps, reach them at a time in their experience just before "that" moment and your heartache shared will lesson their need to enter that classroom and experience that pain. I also believe that nothing is truly lost for those who come to understand what it means to choose love ... even in the "aftermath" ... You are a compassionate spirit and a giant of a man to more than Antony Ant :) I am deeply touched by your willingness to share your experience, Joseph. Thank you. And I know that there will be someone who will come along and read this post … and it will be YOUR words that they will be looking for … and your words will, perhaps, reach them at a time in their experience just before “that” moment and your heartache shared will lesson their need to enter that classroom and experience that pain.

I also believe that nothing is truly lost for those who come to understand what it means to choose love … even in the “aftermath” … You are a compassionate spirit and a giant of a man to more than Antony Ant :)

]]> By: Joseph Rivas http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-1452 Joseph Rivas Sat, 12 Mar 2011 19:50:12 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-1452 Six years ago, my wife and I divorced after 23 years of marriage. Although some of the specific circumstances were different, the “process” you so eloquently described mirrored the “reaction” my wife had. In our situation, for her, it was the incident followed by the pain, anger then rage. For me, it was years of dysfunction, followed by…the pain, anger and rage at what I felt was someone who had become so involved in us… she didn’t see me. Both observations were incorrect. Had I read your book then, perhaps I would have understood more acutely her pain. If she had read your book, maybe she would have understood this about me... “How much pain that man was in – to do what he did. And how grateful I am to him for upsetting the status quo because I was too busy managing my fears to hear his pleas or see where we were heading. Today, I acknowledge “bad behavior” (his and mine) as some form of fear – and thus the painful reactions are not so hard to navigate through.” That should be written on every marriage certificate issued… Six years ago, my wife and I divorced after 23 years of marriage. Although some of the specific circumstances were different, the “process” you so eloquently described mirrored the “reaction” my wife had. In our situation, for her, it was the incident followed by the pain, anger then rage. For me, it was years of dysfunction, followed by…the pain, anger and rage at what I felt was someone who had become so involved in us… she didn’t see me. Both observations were incorrect. Had I read your book then, perhaps I would have understood more acutely her pain. If she had read your book, maybe she would have understood this about me… “How much pain that man was in – to do what he did. And how grateful I am to him for upsetting the status quo because I was too busy managing my fears to hear his pleas or see where we were heading. Today, I acknowledge “bad behavior” (his and mine) as some form of fear – and thus the painful reactions are not so hard to navigate through.” That should be written on every marriage certificate issued…

]]> By: Bernadette http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-1436 Bernadette Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:13:01 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-1436 ... still grateful. Love the paper trail. Those who journal know what I mean. … still grateful. Love the paper trail. Those who journal know what I mean.

]]> By: Bernadette http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-731 Bernadette Mon, 08 Mar 2010 03:44:38 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-731 Good point, Laura! Someone told me long ago to give my anger to God ... that He could take it. I thought they meant that God WOULD take it and I wouldn't have to deal with it. (And sometimes it does work that way.) But, I think what they saw in me at that time was the need to know that I could rage at God and that He would still Love and guide me. That there was no anger I had that COULD be bigger than God ... or stronger than God and I working together. Kind of a paradox – and opposite of what I was taught growing up. If nice girls couldn't get angry with regular folks they SURE didn't want to get angry with the Guy that threw around lightning bolts! :) Good point, Laura! Someone told me long ago to give my anger to God … that He could take it. I thought they meant that God WOULD take it and I wouldn’t have to deal with it. (And sometimes it does work that way.) But, I think what they saw in me at that time was the need to know that I could rage at God and that He would still Love and guide me. That there was no anger I had that COULD be bigger than God … or stronger than God and I working together. Kind of a paradox – and opposite of what I was taught growing up. If nice girls couldn’t get angry with regular folks they SURE didn’t want to get angry with the Guy that threw around lightning bolts! :)

]]> By: Laura http://enlightenedink.com/blog/2010/03/06/how-dare-he/comment-page-1/#comment-730 Laura Sun, 07 Mar 2010 14:03:12 +0000 http://enlightenedink.com/blog/?p=1044#comment-730 I can so relate to this because I stuffed anger and rage for many years. I had no idea how to deal with that emotion. I was taught to stuff it. When my relationship finally looked "over" is when it all came out and of course, the first place we go is to point the finger at the other person (with three fingers pointing back at you!) I wouldn't have made it without my recovery program; it was through the support of others, those who had been on this path before that I finally figured out how to experience anger now that I had no other place to dump it all. I also figured out that even though I was angry as hell at the relationship, who I was really angry at was God and me. I can so relate to this because I stuffed anger and rage for many years. I had no idea how to deal with that emotion. I was taught to stuff it. When my relationship finally looked “over” is when it all came out and of course, the first place we go is to point the finger at the other person (with three fingers pointing back at you!) I wouldn’t have made it without my recovery program; it was through the support of others, those who had been on this path before that I finally figured out how to experience anger now that I had no other place to dump it all. I also figured out that even though I was angry as hell at the relationship, who I was really angry at was God and me.

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