Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

• Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “What now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book (taken from my journal) that reveal pieces of that journey in a “that was then, this is now” format. My posting days match with journal entry days (sort of a time-fusion) and focus on what I hope will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t, or might. Enjoy!

 

BACK HOME

Journal, March 10, 1994 • “I still feel calm this morning, even though I am back at the house with Ray. Maybe I’m just numb. I now know that I can live here alone. I know we can’t go back, that I don’t want him this way. The other woman is not so much a factor, nor his rejection of me. I find myself focused more on how we have related through the years … I will give him one more chance to reconcile. If he doesn’t go for it, I’m asking him to move out … Being without him scares me. Even though I came off as independent – emotionally, I always put him first.”

2010: Step one. Clear the minefield. A clean break was better than a blown limb. Step two. Stop running around in someone else’s shadow – time to get reacquainted with the sun and make one of my own!

“Tonight I’ll pick up Peggy from the airport. I’m grateful for her desire to come regardless of the circumstances. She was so clear when she said to forget my big sister stuff and asked if I wanted her to be here. It cut right through my shit. All I could say was “Yes.” It was as if she read my mind and knew my fear when she said, “Good. Don’t worry about being strong. Let me take care of you for a change.”

2010: Step three. Let go of the need to be perfect and be open to receive from angels that come without wings!

• Post Number Seven: It’s been curious the excerpts that jump off the page as I am going through the book. As well as the ones that I think I’ll use and wind up deleting. I liked these two because they represent two areas that I have to be ever mindful of. (Maybe it’s a female thing. To lose site of our shadow. And to feel that we have to do it all.)

• A Funny Thought: If I could go back in time, right now, I would tell Bernadette that her little sister turned out to be a multi-talented woman who raised three kids, owned a painting business, a flower shop, and went back to school to get her Bachelors ­– during which time she decided to go for her Masters!

• About This Post: I’m attempting to merge the nine months recorded in Bernadette’s Pages with the present here – but still can’t figure out how to format it in a neat and tidy way. So, it’s probably going to be raw and choppy in places. I’ll throw in some quotes and bullets to guide you along. If I lose you somewhere, let me know. I’ll come back to get you.

• If you landed in the middle of this project: Click here to start at the beginning!

The Messy Room and my Facebook Page are two ways that I share the “HOW” of it! Please join me and SPREAD THE WORD.

You CAN get here from there!

 

Excerpts ©2006 from Bernadette’s Pages: An Intimate Crossroad

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Tags: betrayal, relationships

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 at 8:44 pm and is filed under Bernadette's Pages: Then & Now. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.