Photo – Courtesy of Karla Zdroik
- Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO
SLEEP WITH ME?
Forgiveness & Purging Journal, March 21, 1994 • “It’s 5:31 a.m., and today is the anniversary of our first date. I’m awake and angry – absolutely livid at what Ray said before moving out, when he mistook my request that he sleep with me as a desire to make love. I can’t believe he said that would be an emotional betrayal to Shelly … That #!@!&#! … He’s concerned about his loyalty to her? This is insane!”
2010: I have to admit, this entry makes me squirm a little and I have considered not posting it. Some of the sexual references that follow in the book feel a little too intimate and vulnerable for this kind of forum so I’m compromising here. I know. That sounds weird being that the book is published but pulling an entry like this out of context gets tricky. I bring the world into our bedroom on this one.
I’m posting this because there is a way to move beyond the pain expressed in this entry, a pain that loves to take us hostage and keep us there long after betrayal. The forgiveness and purging exercise that Sandra gave me got me back on my feet and moved me toward releasing and healing. There is no residual left to heal here, folks. It is gone. Erased.
March 21, 1994 was the day my journaling process christened this exercise. (After which it shows up A LOT!!!) So, as I share in my Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages,
“… if you find yourself carting around more than your share of unease, disappointment, frustration, or resentment because of a relationship or life situation – or if you find yourself on anger overload, raging at the moon … Tool number three is where the rubber hit the road for me. Where my spinout found traction. (Just short of the cliff!) In this section, I highlight shortcuts that will help you:
• PINPOINT the reason for your anger. (Sorry, it’s not always that S.O.B.)
• PURGE the anger. (Once and for all.)
• FORGIVE. (And move on to your happy-ever-after.)
I am really not checking out on you here. I am sharing “principles before personalities” and inviting you to click on this link for the magic formula.
- Post Number Twelve: If I could get on the top of a mountain and be heard. If no one ever read ANY OTHER POST in this series … THIS ONE IS IT … THE BIG IT! Purge the fear. Purge the guilt. FORGIVE AND MOVE ON! Ray and I are proof that it can be done. Successfully done. Not some compromised, white-knuckling-it version but the REAL deal. I am here at this keyboard, IN MY TRUTH and filled with gratitude for all I’ve had the pleasure to experience since that ‘dreadful’ day in 1994. And I am sharing it all with you. So that makes you VERY important. You are not here by accident.
- A Funny Thought: If I could go back in time, right now? I would tell Bernadette that Ray wants pizza for dinner and is willing to go and get it! And that I am going to take him up on that!
- About This Post: I’m attempting to merge the nine months recorded in Bernadette’s Pages with the present here – but still can’t figure out how to format it in a neat and tidy way. So, it’s probably going to be raw and choppy in places. I’ll throw in some quotes and bullets to guide you along. If I lose you somewhere, let me know. I’ll come back to get you.
- If you landed in the middle of this project: Click here to start at the beginning!
The Messy Room and my Facebook Page are two ways that I share the “HOW” of it! Please join me and SPREAD THE WORD. You CAN get here from there!
Excerpts ©2006 from Bernadette’s Pages: An Intimate Crossroad
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