Sleep With Me?

Karla's Sunset

Photo – Courtesy of Karla Zdroik

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO


Forgiveness & Purging Journal, March 21, 1994 “It’s 5:31 a.m., and today is the anniversary of our first date. I’m awake and angry – absolutely livid at what Ray said before moving out, when he mistook my request that he sleep with me as a desire to make love. I can’t believe he said that would be an emotional betrayal to Shelly … That #!@!&#! … He’s concerned about his loyalty to her? This is insane!”

2010: I have to admit, this entry makes me squirm a little and I have considered not posting it. Some of the sexual references that follow in the book feel a little too intimate and vulnerable for this kind of forum so I’m compromising here. I know. That sounds weird being that the book is published but pulling an entry like this out of context gets tricky. I bring the world into our bedroom on this one.

I’m posting this because there is a way to move beyond the pain expressed in this entry, a pain that loves to take us hostage and keep us there long after betrayal. The forgiveness and purging exercise that Sandra gave me got me back on my feet and moved me toward releasing and healing. There is no residual left to heal here, folks. It is gone. Erased.

March 21, 1994 was the day my journaling process christened this exercise. (After which it shows up A LOT!!!) So, as I share in my Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages,

“… if you find yourself carting around more than your share of unease, disappointment, frustration, or resentment because of a relationship or life situation – or if you find yourself on anger overload, raging at the moon … Tool number three is where the rubber hit the road for me. Where my spinout found traction. (Just short of the cliff!) In this section, I highlight shortcuts that will help you:

• PINPOINT the reason for your anger. (Sorry, it’s not always that S.O.B.)
• PURGE the anger. (Once and for all.)
• FORGIVE. (And move on to your happy-ever-after.)


I am really not checking out on you here. I am sharing “principles before personalities” and inviting you to click on this link for the magic formula.

  • Post Number Twelve: If I could get on the top of a mountain and be heard. If no one ever read ANY OTHER POST in this series … THIS ONE IS IT … THE BIG IT! Purge the fear. Purge the guilt. FORGIVE AND MOVE ON! Ray and I are proof that it can be done. Successfully done. Not some compromised, white-knuckling-it version but the REAL deal. I am here at this keyboard, IN MY TRUTH and filled with gratitude for all I’ve had the pleasure to experience since that ‘dreadful’ day in 1994. And I am sharing it all with you. So that makes you VERY important. You are not here by accident.
  • A Funny Thought: If I could go back in time, right now? I would tell Bernadette that Ray wants pizza for dinner and is willing to go and get it! And that I am going to take him up on that!
  • About This Post: I’m attempting to merge the nine months recorded in Bernadette’s Pages with the present here – but still can’t figure out how to format it in a neat and tidy way. So, it’s probably going to be raw and choppy in places. I’ll throw in some quotes and bullets to guide you along. If I lose you somewhere, let me know. I’ll come back to get you.

The Messy Room and my Facebook Page are two ways that I share the “HOW” of it! Please join me and SPREAD THE WORD. You CAN get here from there!


Excerpts ©2006 from Bernadette’s Pages: An Intimate Crossroad

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3 thoughts on “Sleep With Me?

  • March 22, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Okay. I know a lot of folks who read this blog … but who say they are shy about commenting … especially being the first! I’m breaking the ice. If you all knew each other the way I know you … you wouldn’t be shy at all! And to those who are “new” to this blog … WELCOME! You are not here by accident!

  • March 22, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Hi Bernadette,
    Purging anger, moving on…well I thought I had it nailed until about a week ago, then I realized, I’m not only angry at myself, but a few others as well. As much as I believe in forgiveness, I see that I haven’t completely forgiven myself for making so many stupid mistakes in life & in love. The work that’s required for me to move on sometimes seems like a waste of time when I could be doing so many other things. I’ve been single again now since June ’09 and see things much more clearly than ever & the part I dislike most is the lack of passion I seem to have for making the necessary changes within. I start, then stop, find other things to do. I know it’s resistance, but what am I afraid of? Not a pity party, just sharing. Charlisse

  • March 22, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    I’d like to share with Charlisse a comment or two….

    For me, forgiving others couldn’t happen until I forgave myself…but forgiving myself couldn’t happen until I journeyed WAY back into the past and revisited everything from the beginning. Inner child work started that journey for me and I had a lot of trauma to get through. I was pretty surprised that I did this without anyone’s assistance. I thought someone would have to show me how to forgive myself. In fact, once I looked back at all the things in my life that happened TO me, I was able to have compassion for myself and understood that no one did anything TO me. I invited those things in as part of my learning. But it started with asking God to help. Once I became open to it, the answers just started to arrive. I then started to have this deep compassion for all the “little me” people. I understood that all of them needed me to take care of them.

    It sounds hokey, but it’s all very true. The first step was just a prayer.

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