Photos – Courtesy of Karla Zdroik
- Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO
ANGEL WHISPERS. SPIRIT DIALOGS.
Journal, March 26, 1994 • “I’ve gone back and read quite a few pages from my journal. I see a very unhappy woman in denial. How obsessed with Ray I’ve been! Even without Shelly, we could not have gone on without honestly addressing some issues. I’m afraid to trust myself with the information you have given me …”
Spirit Dialog • “She is needed still, to make certain that you do not let him back in the door too soon. She is for you more than for him … you will see the transition occur … Use this solitude to know yourself and your connection with us. You must learn to trust and relax in the knowledge we give you … You blessed the cross and ring because the choice was yours to make that intention, to know that you have the capacity to bless. It is not the Father alone who blesses, but you and the Father … This time is not meant for you to suffer, but to come to know joy …
[Ray] can be intimate when he knows his worth. Right now, he has nothing to be intimate with. She is a shell, as he is. A receptacle for his confusion … You have been hard for him with your ups and downs, but you do stimulate growth in him … Let the Bernadette in the journal of the past year come to rest. It is time for you to BE, and to express differently, now that you are responsible for only yourself … and know that we are with you.”
2010: As I sit here doing the type-cut-paste dance, I find myself wishing I could Spirit scribe this whole blog series. Honestly, I am not a writer. I journal. Pen to paper. I never even learned how to type. (Four fingers maybe five and I have to look at the keys. It’s sad!) If I had time to learn how to podcast, I would talk this series. Sigh. Okay, just a little frustration bubbling through.
NOW, onto Spirit dialog. Up to this point, I haven’t included many dialogs in this series. But now they are an important part of my sharing for reasons that become increasingly obvious as you read them.
There was a comfort and peace that settled about me whenever I found myself scribing. When the writing came through it was like my pen and me were perched between worlds. Dialogs streamed in from every direction. The words I was scribing, the questions (and answers) that came to mind AS I was scribing, the fear that I was delusional and “making it up” overlapped all at once. And yet I couldn’t argue with the peace … the holiness … the love … and the wisdom that passed through me.
When their words hit the page, I rolled over like a happy puppy wanting more! “Just write. Just write.” I would tell myself. “Worry about what this is later. What have you got to lose? These are God’s messengers. Call them what you want. Angels. Holy Spirit. Guides. It doesn’t matter. And if you’re nuts, what the hell, you could be doing worse things. Just write.”
So I did. And it opened the door to an amazing process and a unique relationship with the authors who shared their wisdom in the pages of my heart.
As for the content of their words? You would think, being told that Ray was coming back, I could sit back and relax but that was not to be my path. This was about growing – not coasting – so, I’m actually grateful for the doubt and fear that crept in about my being delusional.
Their “suggestion” that Shelly’s presence was FOR me was a brilliant re-framing device that kept me from playing the victim – or demonizing her. I was not distracted with anger toward her through this whole process, which left more time and energy to focus on me. AND, if I saw her today? I would thank her. So, there you have it. I’ll let you know if that ever happens.
- Post Number Fourteen: I really am a little frustrated with my lack of writing expertise. But I am happy to be on this end, looking back. I had NO CLUE what I was in for!
- A Funny Thought: If I could go back in time, right now? Maybe I should stop asking that because “in my dreams” I am feeling her reach out to me. Hmmm.
- About This Post: I’m attempting to merge the nine months recorded in Bernadette’s Pages with the present here – but still can’t figure out how to format it in a neat and tidy way. So, it’s probably going to be raw and choppy in places. I’ll throw in some quotes and bullets to guide you along. If I lose you somewhere, let me know. I’ll come back to get you.
- If you landed in the middle of this project: Click here to start at the beginning!
The Messy Room and my Facebook Page are two ways that I share the “HOW” of it! Please join me and SPREAD THE WORD. You CAN get here from there!
Excerpts ©2006 from Bernadette’s Pages: An Intimate Crossroad
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