Breast Cancer. Two Cents Worth from My Tatas to Yours.

 

Breast Cancer My Two Cents Worth in Bernadette's Musings from the Messy Room

The musings expressed here are strictly those of a woman making her way through breast cancer and are based solely on her personal beliefs and experience. They are not intended to sway or convince anyone of anything other than to honor-with-action what is right for them.

I’m following through on a decision for surgery this week with full knowledge that I will, no doubt, disappoint some folks before all this is over.

I gain no pleasure from being in this position to disappoint. As a matter of fact, I have spent the greater portion of my life working to resolve differences so as not to disappoint. There is an irony that I find myself exercising my option to displease with a life and death decision.

Who will be disappointed if I live – my way? Who, if I die – my way? I suppose that depends on how tightly the need to be right is clung to – your way.

If you are someone who loves me, I know you’ll get around to understanding what doing this “my way” allows me to reach for – no matter how this goes. The angels gave me matches to play with in this life, death, cancer thing and I am learning so much while blazing this trail. And not just for me. (“Whoa. We gave that child matches and a blog?” I hear them chuckling.)

If you are a distant-someone in my cancer circle and find yourself disappointed, perhaps you missed it back there somewhere. The invitation. What your path crossing mine was to give you. You may want to retrace your steps.

My decision is not one of surviving or dying; it is one of not diminishing myself while surviving or dying.

And so, I am going in for reconstructive surgery this week, against the advisement of some and to the dismay and breath holding of others.

Am I getting a rebellious kick out of saying that? No, I am not.

Am I trying to prove a point in choosing the road less traveled on the map of current medical models for breast cancer? No, I am not.

Am I pointing to the many shades of gray that I wish would be included in the medical model presented to me? Yes, I am.

Can I afford to go against the medical model with my life? Well, that depends on whom you ask.

Had I decided to follow the white coats and not the white wings, I would be somewhere around week 17 in a 20-week regimen of chemotherapy after which I would receive a 6-week course of 33 radiation treatments. Landing me somewhere in April to get my immune system back up before considering if I had enough skin left – after radiation – to start the many weeks of skin expansion necessary for an implant. Maybe, by late summer, I would be looking at a reconstructive date for surgery as I am now – with another 6-week recovery period after that. And on and on…

But my decisions in this breast cancer journey are not based on guidance from out there. As a matter of fact, few of my decisions ever are.

My job is to know myself and take every decision to God first. Then I listen.

Sometimes, Divine Guidance comes as a direct hit – right up front. (Don’t you love that clear YES or NO?) Other times, I gather information and ask, then ask again until I get a LEANING that lets me know wills are merging in this team effort between God and Bernadette. And that is when my two cents starts to miraculously multiply.

Do I hope I live through this? Yes. Am I afraid to die? No. Am I more concerned with thriving every moment between here and there? Absolutely.

You were led to read this blog for a reason. This may not be about cancer for you. It may be about something else in your life. A decision you’ve made that you don’t have peace with. (Did you follow the tribe of opinions while dismissing yourself?) Or a decision you are about to make – and may be postponing. (Did you forget that white wings are ready and waiting to give you a lift?)

Wherever you are with decisions, I am encouraging you to spend your first two cents on the God Sense within each of us that guides us on our way – and gives us peace with the road behind us.

As a matter of fact, I have some extra change here. How much do you need? My pockets are heavy.

It’s not about how it ends, DEar HEaRTs. It’s about how we get there. XO Bernadette

To be continued…

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19 thoughts on “Breast Cancer. Two Cents Worth from My Tatas to Yours.

  • January 21, 2018 at 6:53 pm
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    Beautifully written in a way only you can.
    Love you and walking with you, all the way.

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  • January 21, 2018 at 7:09 pm
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    The hardest 3 words in the English language? No, not I LOVE YOU….they are “I DON’T KNOW”. None of us really know. We trust our experience. Trust our education. Trust our intuition. We trust our spiritual selves.

    With all our support, our love and our positive energy we are with you Bern!!!

    What we DO know is you’re an inspiration…and an amazing soul.

    Jerry

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    • January 22, 2018 at 9:03 am
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      Jerry … this is so very true on those 3 words. The light is a shared experience, my dear. Grateful we didn’t lose each other in our many travels! XO

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  • January 21, 2018 at 7:14 pm
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    So happy for you, my dear! I know you’ll pull through surgery without a hitch! Thank you for always sharing your story so honestly, and your journey so candidly. So grateful for your friendship after all these years! ???

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    • January 22, 2018 at 9:05 am
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      Thanks, hon. What do you mean ALL THESE YEARS? Hahaha! I stopped counting … how about we go with eternity. Love you, girl!

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  • January 21, 2018 at 8:09 pm
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    Good for You! You are young and beautiful, and both sides deserve to match!
    Love & Hugs! You Rock!
    PS I think plans are about to be submitted to City! YEA!!
    XOXO L.

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    • January 22, 2018 at 5:24 pm
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      HaHaHA! Yes! Now, maybe, I will stop listing to the right, hon. 🙂 Am sending prayers the plans sail through to approval in record time! XO

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      • January 24, 2018 at 1:58 pm
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        No…when you feel better that is still needed! Right now the Light is on YOU!
        The architect and builder are pressing the engineer every day!!..and I keep praying to be able to have some time there to enjoy it before I can only live in 2-3 rooms! Love you!

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  • January 21, 2018 at 8:29 pm
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    I love these affirming posts and I affirm YOU and all your decisions. I love you and so honored to witness this walking…

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    • January 22, 2018 at 5:25 pm
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      … and it is an honor to walk beside you on yours, Juliette. It’s been a curious year for both of us. Love you, hon. XO

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  • January 21, 2018 at 9:04 pm
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    Of course you are doing the right thing! WE make OUR choices and choose OUR path in this life. When we choose to walk another’s path we have stumbled off our own. Just hehehe! don’t make the dreaded Bucket List, (things to do before we die! Yuk) make the list of things you long to do, your Life List. Well, that’s if you want to make a list at all. I quite like to chance upon another delight. I find I am easily bored and love life’s surprises. Love you dear Bernadette

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    • January 22, 2018 at 5:27 pm
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      I know! You do not like me making a bucket list! 🙂 And, really, I think I will leave my list up to the angels. They are much more trustworthy than I in that arena … heeheehee … Love you, too, hon!

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      • January 22, 2018 at 7:34 pm
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        Yes I love the angels list too. I hope and expect we will dance to the angel’s music <3

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  • January 22, 2018 at 12:06 pm
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    I feel that love itself is the traveler ~ footpath companion that is …

    The holy handclasp of a kindred
    being uplifted precious ~

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    • January 22, 2018 at 5:29 pm
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      Your words are deliciously warming to my spirit, Leora. I love your use of this gift you have … always. XO

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  • January 24, 2018 at 12:41 pm
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    You are a super awesome Being! Thank you for sharing your story and inspiration with us! Love you bunches and totally support whatever you do!

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    • January 24, 2018 at 12:58 pm
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      Thank you, Laurie. 🙂 I sure hope to be “up” for the full moon circle. It’s time for us to call it in! I love you, too. XO

      Reply

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