Choices: What we see in loving and leaving.

Messy Room Moving Box Puzzle

“I have given everything I see in this room all the meaning that is has for me.” – A Course In Miracles: Lesson 2

 

Journal, April 17, 2012 A fitting lesson to dowse in the Course, as I look around me. From room to room, I see boxes stacked wherever there is a spare space. Some holding 36 years of marriage. Some holding the last 18 years of reconciliation.

I give them the meaning that they have. The objects inside are clueless to the purpose assigned to them. On a good day, they speak to relief and gratitude for the honesty expressed that made it necessary to pack them up. On a bad day, they speak to surprises and sideswipes. If I am the meaning-maker, which meaning shall I embrace today?

Yesterday, I made my first serious “pass” through the divorce papers while my husband packed up his “pieces” of the kitchen that was our kitchen – soon to be my kitchen. I am somewhat in awe as this process of acceptance and forgiveness unfolds. And I am grateful that I am journaling through this – writing under fire as it were – and know that I am benefiting exponentially.

Exponentially? Really? How do I know?

We are always choosing stories, are we not? Well then …
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Surrendering: the stories we tell

Surrender the Stories: charcoal by bernadette rose smith

Surrender • charcoal on Bernadette’s Pages substrate; page 63
by Bernadette Rose Smith

 

Ever listen to your thoughts and marvel at how persistently they weave into stories you tell yourself? Stories that do not serve you well? Especially in times of transition?


How happy would your dreams become if you were not the one who gave the “proper role” to every figure which the dream contained. – A Course In Miracles


I woke up this morning with a thought.

“Surrender that.“ whispered the angel.

“What?” I asked.

That ‘My God, sideswiped again, I’m not enough’ story.” chuckled the angel.

“Oh? You mean the ‘How could I have missed this, how dense am I that it took another eighteen years of marriage to figure this out, I’m alone again thought?” I snapped.

“My dear, you had so many more thoughts attached to that one. You didn’t notice the storyteller revving up? You were on Chapter 14 before I could get a word in edgewise.” announced another angelic chuckle.

“How can you laugh?” I asked, somewhat irked. “You were around in ’94. Don’t you think this is a little ridiculous for two people to be this far off base with each other?”

“What? Ridiculous to forgive? To accept the things you cannot change? To move on amicably? To still love and support each other as you embrace your new lives?” A wing fluttered by.

“Well, yeah, that’s a view. But I was more concerned with looking at the part where I am a middle-aged woman who lost herself again – even after she swore she Read more

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Art. Feng Shui. And Mr. Right?

I’ll never forget one of my early Feng Shui consultations. A single, professionally successful woman hired me to come to her home and pinpoint why her work life and love life were so out of balance.

Seems she had a knack for finding men who lost their jobs shortly after the relationship moved into the “exclusively dating” mode. Being self-sufficient and of generous spirit she would always find herself assisting them while waiting for them to “step up to the plate.” The current Mr. Right shadowing her doorstep was particularly perplexing to her in that she could not just boot him out. Seems she really loved this one. (In all fairness, he did turn out to be Mr. Right. Last I heard they had married, moved, and were raising a beautiful baby boy.)

Putting on my Feng Shui eyes, I moved from room to room making suggestions. I did not see anything that reflected her work and love life challenge until I got to her bedroom. There, hanging right over the head of her bed, was a Read more

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The Power of Place: Reflections from An Intimate Crossroad

PDMillWindow_1301

We shape our dwellings . . . thereafter our dwellings shape us. – Winston Churchill

A powerful statement. One that invites contemplation – and accountability. One that gives us another pair of glasses through which to view the places we call home – and our experiences within them.

I was given a new view of my home and myself a number of years ago when my husband left me professing to love another woman. Looking back on one of my journal entries from that time I see a woman confronted with the consequences of the dwelling and the marriage she had helped to shape. Read more

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