Posts Tagged ‘awareness’

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Choices: What we see in loving and leaving.

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Messy Room Moving Box Puzzle

“I have given everything I see in this room all the meaning that is has for me.” – A Course In Miracles: Lesson 2

 

Journal, April 17, 2012 • A fitting lesson to dowse in the Course, as I look around me. From room to room, I see boxes stacked wherever there is a spare space. Some holding 36 years of marriage. Some holding the last 18 years of reconciliation.

I give them the meaning that they have. The objects inside are clueless to the purpose assigned to them. On a good day, they speak to relief and gratitude for the honesty expressed that made it necessary to pack them up. On a bad day, they speak to surprises and sideswipes. If I am the meaning-maker, which meaning shall I embrace today?

Yesterday, I made my first serious “pass” through the divorce papers while my husband packed up his “pieces” of the kitchen that was our kitchen – soon to be my kitchen. I am somewhat in awe as this process of acceptance and forgiveness unfolds. And I am grateful that I am journaling through this – writing under fire as it were – and know that I am benefiting exponentially.

Exponentially? Really? How do I know?

We are always choosing stories, are we not? Well then …
(more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 19 Comments »

Surrendering: the stories we tell

Sunday, March 18th, 2012

 

Surrender the Stories: charcoal by bernadette rose smith

Surrender • charcoal on Bernadette’s Pages substrate; page 63
by Bernadette Rose Smith

 

Ever listen to your thoughts and marvel at how persistently they weave into stories you tell yourself? Stories that do not serve you well? Especially in times of transition?


How happy would your dreams become if you were not the one who gave the “proper role” to every figure which the dream contained. – A Course In Miracles


I woke up this morning with a thought.

“Surrender that.“ whispered the angel.

“What?” I asked.

“That ‘My God, sideswiped again, I’m not enough’ story.” chuckled the angel.

“Oh? You mean the ‘How could I have missed this, how dense am I that it took another eighteen years of marriage to figure this out, I’m alone again‘ thought?” I snapped.

“My dear, you had so many more thoughts attached to that one. You didn’t notice the storyteller revving up? You were on Chapter 14 before I could get a word in edgewise.” announced another angelic chuckle.

“How can you laugh?” I asked, somewhat irked. “You were around in ’94. Don’t you think this is a little ridiculous for two people to be this far off base with each other?”

“What? Ridiculous to forgive? To accept the things you cannot change? To move on amicably? To still love and support each other as you embrace your new lives?” A wing fluttered by.

“Well, yeah, that’s a view. But I was more concerned with looking at the part where I am a middle-aged woman who lost herself again – even after she swore she (more…)

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What They Say …

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Glasses with pink handmade paper

Lately, I find myself thinking about “they says.” You know, those statements that we encounter in life that are spoken as truisms. Perhaps meant to be helpful guides like …

Once a cheater always a cheater.

Hmmm. How helpful is that?

The date of my last post – June 24th – hits me right between the eyes with another “they say.” They say that a blogger should never leave their blog unattended for a long period of time without making an official “I am on a blogging hiatus” statement. They say it’s bad business. (They also say “right between the eyes” is a cliché and writers shouldn’t use clichés.)

Well, I say:
What if I didn’t know I was going to take a hiatus?
What if life happened – as it so often does – and I just got caught up in living it and wasn’t in the space to write about it?
What if I just wanted to BE in the experiences? (Some of which were very cool, by the way, and will be shared here.)
What if I’m not a writer and just a gal with a messy room?

BESIDES, who are THEY anyway? And where do THEY get their information? I mean, they must really get around because they have a lot to (more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 58 Comments »

Juliette’s Street Ephemera

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Pabst Blue Street Ephemera by Juliette Mansour

Photo by Juliette Mansour of Casa Dresden

Inspiration is unpredictable. That’s what makes it so magical. When it strikes it has that first time freshness – like falling in love – that defies the dull, deadening impulses of the mundane.

We might yearn for inspiration. Even create an environment that encourages it. But, in the end, inspiration will not be bought nor controlled. That we might take delight.

As a street photographer, Juliette finds her inspiration is often right around the corner. We seem to share a muse because what inspires her frequently inspires me. Her comment and blog link on Shoeboxes and Found Objects inspired an ephemeral muse-fusion that we are collaborating to capture. That we might share delight!

“Bernadette, you can find interesting ephemera on the streets! Check out this collection of odd, artistic, far out street stuff on my blog … okay, well some are ephemera anyway!”

Street Stories: Many Angry Eggs

Many Angry Eggs

“From carved out, psychedelic-colored, old refrigerators to creepy skulls hanging from a tree, here are some bizarre things found on the street that makes one stop and think, “how did that get there?”

Street Stories Winter Seating

Winter Seating

BIG ephemera that certainly fits my definition. With photo captions like: Skull in the Yard • Lost Bed • An Old Make Out Place • Psycho Fridge • Welcome No One (more…)

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Posted in Muses Among Us | 11 Comments »

Awareness: Shoe Boxes & Found-Objects

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

Ephemera with Cross

I’m pulling this one out of the archive closet. It really speaks to this newly purposed blog format for the Messy Room. And it also speaks to journaling the journey!

•  •  •  •  •  •

Original Entry: April 5, 2007

Those of you who signed up for our manifestation series will know what I mean when I say I am working on the first part of the formula. Got to walk the talk, right? So, I want to share a fun awareness that very quietly slipped into view last week – between the waxing moon and full moon.

Something interesting – or should I say someone interesting – has reappeared. My artist self. It took two layovers in Atlanta, a week apart, in one particular bookstore – wandering the aisles and killing time between Feng Shui appointments – to finally notice her presence. (I live a good ways from Atlanta so I consider these kind of layovers a real treat.)

Anyway, back to wandering the aisles, sipping coffee, and scanning the usual shelves. (Self help. Interior design. Philosophy. Metaphysical.) On my second visit, I found an angel card deck by Doreen Virtue that was not sealed and treated myself to a mini-reading. That must have been where my artist self saw her opportunity to sneak in because immediately afterward I landed in the art section, specifically the craft section, pouring through pages and pages of how to’s. Papermaking, hand-bound journals, altered books, collages, artist trading cards. Art decorated with found objects given a new purpose. Bits and pieces of God knows what from God knows where. The funkier the better.

Guess I got a little tipsy because the next thing I knew I was in the checkout (more…)

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Posted in Art in the Messy Making | 20 Comments »

My Life as Ephemera

Monday, February 7th, 2011

Ephemera Bits & Pieces

e•phem•er•a 1. something that is transitory and without lasting significance  2. a range of collectable items that were originally designated to be short-lived

I have a secret, long-time love affair with ephemera.

If you traveled back in time with me and rummaged through one of the bedroom closets from my childhood, we would find shoe boxes (neatly stacked, of course) filled with cast-offs and found objects.

Plastic flower pieces. (Yes, I grew up in the plastic flower era.) Broken bits of jewelry. Belt buckles. Assorted rocks and seashells. Coins from mysterious foreign lands. (Okay, Canadian coins from across the river.) Bits of lace and embroidery thread. Odd buttons. Aluminum foil scraps and colored tissue paper. And a clothespin or two.

If we fast-forward to one of my bedroom closets, say around the age of sixteen, we would find bigger boxes with cast off clothing.

Grandma Doll’s crocheted aprons. (Waiting to be converted to vests and halter-tops.) Mom’s 50’s pearl-buttoned sweaters and jackets. (Waiting to be worn with my favorite hip-hugger bell bottom jeans – the pair with the chessboard appliqué on the butt stitched by yours truly.) Grandma Smith’s Greta Garbo-esque satin wedding dress. (Too precious to cut up but a definite inspiration.) An older  cousin’s 40’s taffeta and organdy party dress. Gloves in assorted shades of white to ivory. A black Cossack-style coat. And a velvet hand-beaded by somebody in the family purse.

If we fast-forward just a little more, we’d find a freshly married Bernadette merging with life in the fast lane – a life that left her no time for the magical meanderings ephemera encouraged.

•  •  •  •  •

Ephemera Bits 1

 

“The creation story portrays the love of a creative God lifting beauty and order out of the chaos.” – Sr. Macrina Weiderkehr O.S.B.

 

Now, lets visit one more Bernadette. The one who, when swept to the curb, scrambled to salvage bits of her broken dreams before they (more…)

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Posted in Art in the Messy Making | 23 Comments »

Shades of Picasso

Monday, January 31st, 2011

Shades of Picasso

 

So, today was supposed to be a writing day for the Messy Room blog and I realized, about an hour ago after the “rescue-kitty” dominos fell, that my ideal for the day wasn’t going to happen. As I maneuvered through the maze of closed doors to make the cat introductions – again – and set the pecking order ground rules – again – I thought, “Why do I have this mess in my house?”

No, Ray hasn’t moved out. WE still own this house. I say “my house” because the drama between these cats in this house is mine. And their infringement into my writing consciousness is mine. (Ray is happily painting in the studio of his house  – with Reesie, our somewhat feral kitty.)

I’m sure there is a classroom in here but not so sure about getting a passing grade on this one. I don’t know that I will ever overcome my predisposition to be “distractedly” overprotective when it comes to cats. (All right, people too.)

After a few frustrated tears and lassoing Ray on his way to refill his coffee cup, it hit me; this is exactly why I re-purposed this blog. Exactly why it is now “Musings from the Messy Room.” I don’t have to wow you with insights and such. I just have to show up with my mess. So here I am.

If you have a moral to the story – or a mess of your own to share – PLEASE jump in! And don’t trip over the cats.

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 24 Comments »

When Enough Is Enough

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

enough is enough

“Can You Say No To Too Many Choices?” Great question posed in this article written by Barry Schwartz who eases us into the idea that more choices do not necessarily give us a greater sense of freedom with his visit to a local market where he encounters

“… 285 varieties and brands of cookies, 75 iced tea drinks, 40 toothpastes, 230 soups, 175 salad dressings, and 275 cereals.”

What’s the big deal, you say? Studies are showing that more choices have not made us more happy. More stressed? Yes. More depressed? Yes. More anxious? Yes.

Humbling? Yes. This is not where we thought we were heading a generation ago.

Fine. Lets go back to food choices then. They’re easy. Right? That is, until your partner asks you where you want (more…)

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Posted in Lifestyle: How • Where • What • Why | 5 Comments »

Sunday Scribblings #238: what do you make of curious?

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Chloe the Muse Sculpted by Karla Zdroik of Kamansa Korner

Chloe the Muse sculpted by Karla Zdroik

Sunday Scribblings #238 Writing Prompt: what do you make of curious?

What do I make of curious?

I am curious how, in attempting to coax out my visual artist, I wound up on a writing prompt site.

Was it the word “Sunday” or “Scribblings” that lured me in?

I am more curious at the thought that I am apparently going to post this and link it back to Sunday Scribblings as the prompt suggests.

I am wondering – oops curious – if this is just another stall tactic, if my writer is threatened by all the hoopla of late made by my artist.

What do I make of a curiously quiet house on a Sunday afternoon? A decision to treat myself while Theo helps Daddy sleep off his pneumonia. An intentional artist’s date, curled up on the sofa with Kelly Rae Roberts and her book, Taking Flight: to give your creative spirit wings. A “curious” flip to the back pages under “Resources: Places to Fly.” (That’s how I found you, Laini and Megg. In case you are wondering. It just happened to be Sunday.)

What do I make of curious? I am curious if I can use my writer to launch my artist. If they will ever make peace and learn how to share this middle-aged woman’s energy. (She has a plan – albeit loose – but a plan none the less.)

I am curious. Will I click “Publish”?

Hmmm. Do I put this under the category “Muses Among Us” – or “Growing Pains”?

For those wondering what Sunday Scribblings is – in their words: ”Sunday Scribblings was set up to provide inspiration and motivation for anyone who enjoys writing and would like a weekly challenge.” Click here to check them out!

Entered through the Art Gallery? Click here to go back.

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 7 Comments »

Do I Dare?

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Alone

“Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.” – Theodore Roethke

I might be breaking some blogger’s code by pulling this post out of the archives but it tied so beautifully to the quote that I just found by Mr. Roethke and last week’s theme  (Writing Under Fire on our Facebook page) that I couldn’t resist furthering my point about how writing helps us map our way through whatever we need a map for.

The time this post was written is irrelevant. But the growth since that post is not. Growth TIED TO VULNERABILITY that appeared because I kept writing – in this case, out of my comfort zone.

Two years later, this post acts as evidence – a point illustrated.  For you, it may represent something entirely different – unique to your own map and journey. I would love to hear what that is for you. Pull up a chair and join me at the table?


Here’s the Original. Posted July 20, 2008

I am struggling with this blog. I am frustrated and disappointed because I have not been able to experience the depth of voice with it that I imagined I would have when I started to explore this medium of expression just over a year ago.

I am not a writer. Never wanted to be one. I journal.

I write freely in the pages of my journals. I have no cares. No worries about grammar or structure. My goal is simply to express whatever thoughts and feelings come to surface. To capture them on the page where I can see them. Contemplate them. Process them. And witness my growth when I read them.

It doesn’t matter if my thoughts are choppy or incomplete. If I trail from one topic to another. If family and friends don’t understand them after I am gone.

Journaling centers and grounds me. Fuels and focuses me. It is authentic to the moment. Within its process, my only responsibility is to myself.

But when I approach writing in this blog I am immediately confronted with (more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 31 Comments »

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