Posts Tagged ‘journaling’

Choices: What we see in loving and leaving.

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Messy Room Moving Box Puzzle

“I have given everything I see in this room all the meaning that is has for me.” – A Course In Miracles: Lesson 2

 

Journal, April 17, 2012 • A fitting lesson to dowse in the Course, as I look around me. From room to room, I see boxes stacked wherever there is a spare space. Some holding 36 years of marriage. Some holding the last 18 years of reconciliation.

I give them the meaning that they have. The objects inside are clueless to the purpose assigned to them. On a good day, they speak to relief and gratitude for the honesty expressed that made it necessary to pack them up. On a bad day, they speak to surprises and sideswipes. If I am the meaning-maker, which meaning shall I embrace today?

Yesterday, I made my first serious “pass” through the divorce papers while my husband packed up his “pieces” of the kitchen that was our kitchen – soon to be my kitchen. I am somewhat in awe as this process of acceptance and forgiveness unfolds. And I am grateful that I am journaling through this – writing under fire as it were – and know that I am benefiting exponentially.

Exponentially? Really? How do I know?

We are always choosing stories, are we not? Well then …
(more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 19 Comments »

Mermaid Nets and Viking Runes

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

“I toss and turn all night, awash in a sea of aquamarine and green, streaked with silver phosphorescence, drifting through the velvet night from a necklace of meteors. I raft down a river of paint, but unlike Huck Finn, my oar is a paintbrush that struggles to free me from whirlpools of cerulean blue. Then day breaks, and I trudge through a black-and-white world in sensible shoes …” • Loretta Benedetto Marvel from Mermaid Nets and Other Twice-Told Tales

 

Loretta and I– along with some Vikings, a mermaid, a couple of muses and a curious kitty – shared coffee after I finished writing in my journal this morning.

As some of you know, 2011 is pushing me to return to a more active participation with my art – to get out of my head and off the pages with it. The past number of months I have been gathering myself and my ephemera and creating a place for it to happen.

I am going to attempt something a bit on the raw side with this post. (Hope I don’t lose you.) I don’t often share my morning writings “as is” in this blog but I feel a collaboration coming on with this Loretta who I have never met but whose story sliced into my artist’s heart with the precision of a surgeon. (I found Loretta in the (more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 11 Comments »

Do I Dare?

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Alone

“Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.” – Theodore Roethke

I might be breaking some blogger’s code by pulling this post out of the archives but it tied so beautifully to the quote that I just found by Mr. Roethke and last week’s theme  (Writing Under Fire on our Facebook page) that I couldn’t resist furthering my point about how writing helps us map our way through whatever we need a map for.

The time this post was written is irrelevant. But the growth since that post is not. Growth TIED TO VULNERABILITY that appeared because I kept writing – in this case, out of my comfort zone.

Two years later, this post acts as evidence – a point illustrated.  For you, it may represent something entirely different – unique to your own map and journey. I would love to hear what that is for you. Pull up a chair and join me at the table?


Here’s the Original. Posted July 20, 2008

I am struggling with this blog. I am frustrated and disappointed because I have not been able to experience the depth of voice with it that I imagined I would have when I started to explore this medium of expression just over a year ago.

I am not a writer. Never wanted to be one. I journal.

I write freely in the pages of my journals. I have no cares. No worries about grammar or structure. My goal is simply to express whatever thoughts and feelings come to surface. To capture them on the page where I can see them. Contemplate them. Process them. And witness my growth when I read them.

It doesn’t matter if my thoughts are choppy or incomplete. If I trail from one topic to another. If family and friends don’t understand them after I am gone.

Journaling centers and grounds me. Fuels and focuses me. It is authentic to the moment. Within its process, my only responsibility is to myself.

But when I approach writing in this blog I am immediately confronted with (more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 31 Comments »

Writing Under Fire

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “What now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book (taken from my journal) that reveal pieces of that journey in a “that was then, this is now” format. My posting days match with journal entry days (sort of a time-fusion) and focus on what I hope will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t, or might. Enjoy!

WRITING UNDER FIRE

Journal, March 9, 1994, 5:21 a.m. • “The anger has awakened me … Rather than stew, I’ll dump my anger on the page and hopefully get back into a place of peaceful resolve … All these things I want to say to Ray – to change him? I allowed him to pull me off my path! How could I have thought it would be satisfying, or safe, to support his dreams while mine disappeared?”

2010: Ever do that? Set a dream aside – for whatever reason?

“Day after day, putting in my time for that someday when … we would be free to play and express who we truly are – together – as a couple. … He faults me that I could not lighten up … He needed me to be the heavy, and then had the audacity to believe that I was capable of being no more than a caretaker. He is running as fast as he can into the arms of a woman who would be for him all that I am not? Damn. I want to play, be spontaneous, adventurous – but who has the time or energy?”

2010: Ever feel that way? I know a lot of women who struggle to see themselves (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Then & Now | 6 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 4 of 10

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

 

Got You Covered!

Got You Covered!

 

GRATITUDE WHILE DODGING BULLETS

It’s easy to feel grateful when life is good. And it’s not too much of a strain to reach for it when life is so-so. But finding and maintaining an attitude of gratitude while dodging bullets? That’s a dedicated decision.

Before You Pass This Tool Up

I know there’s already tons of material out there touting the benefits of gratitude and appreciation. As key to the law of attraction, gratitude is enjoying quite a comeback. (Apparently our fast-paced society rendered its power a ‘secret’ to some.)

The path of gratitude – as a way for a ‘want’ to become a ‘get’ – is certainly a more positive approach to acquisition than some this world has witnessed. But limiting gratitude to conditional comfort zones is like restricting a Ferrari motor to a Yugo frame. (Don’t remember the Yugo? Precisely my point.)

Don’t Get Me Wrong

You can never have too much gratitude – of any kind. It is the one thing I encourage clutter clients to collect freely. Gratitude doesn’t jam up closets and knows how to share garage space with your car. You can’t grow out of it. It is never out of style. And I don’t know anyone who has died from an overdose of it. (A heart overflowing with gratitude and appreciation actually feels pretty good.)

But what of gratitude when you find yourself caught in the crossfire? When the emotional bullets start to ricochet and you seem to be the target? (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 6 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 3 of 10

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

PURGING ANGER. FINDING FORGIVENESS.
If you’ve never felt irritable, resentful or angry, skip this section. If there is no one you’ve felt challenged to forgive – even for a day – yourself included, cruise on to the next tool. (The rest of us will catch up later.)

However, if you find yourself carting around more than your share of unease, disappointment, frustration, or resentment because of a relationship or life situation – or if you find yourself on anger overload, raging at the moon, stick around.

Tired of Lugging Around Anger?
Tool number three is where the rubber hit the road for me. Where my spinout found traction. (Just short of the cliff!) In this section, I highlight two (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 5 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 2 of 10

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

pinkarch010

“… listening to divine guidance through the emotional chaos.”  Suzanne DeMarchi, Cheshire, CT

REFRAMING
In this section, I define reframing, give you a few “under fire” examples, and finish with some reframing exercises to try for yourself.

What Is Reframing?
Reframing is changing the context (the frame) within which you view a challenging person or situation. Seeing your concern in a new way (reframing) allows you to make choices and take actions that can open the door to possibilities that were not previously “available” to you because of a limited vantage point.

Let’s Look At A Few Reframing Examples From B’s Pages
I was struggling with fears about our relationship when these words poured onto my morning pages. Seven months before Ray left, before HE even knew he was going to leave, Spirit wrote, “Do not give up on him. He needs you to be light … The way may not be easy … but you knew that from the beginning of this arrangement … He may need to find another woman … to see you anew … You must not walk away in frustration. He will not renege … Know this and remain true.”

Arrangement. Another woman. Remain true.

Spirit shot those words through with surgical precision. Past my censor. Past my “emotional chaos.” Their purpose? Gently start the process of reframing an event that had not yet taken place. The part about “another woman” saving our marriage was just too (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 8 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 1 of 10

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

“She clearly demonstrates how to bring journaling to the next level.” Devra Ursem-Phillips, Visions Unlimited Coaching

WRITING UNDER FIRE

For a demonstration of the first tool at work, pick up Bernadette’s Pages and flip to any page.

Writing under fire provided a journaling intensive that saved my life. (Dramatic but true.) Desperation overflowed from a pretty blue journal with a fluffy white kitty on the cover into comp books, steno pads, loose-leaf paper – and anything else remotely close to paper – when the angst hit. Venting anger. Flushing out remorse. Dear God letters. Ray-you-asshole letters. Therapy work. Dream logs. Synchronicity logs. Gratitude logs. Spirit dialogs. Ego dialogs.

Guess you could say journaling helped me map out the expressway and every alternate route available when confronted with an emotional traffic jam.

ltchest203

Two Gifts And Amplified Synchronicity

In the fall of ’93, Ray gave me a copy of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Struggling with a loss (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 10 Comments »