The Other Woman’s Stand-In

Purple Flower

Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO

THE STAND-IN

Journal, April 4, 1994“The weirdest thing happened today. Lea and I went shopping so I could pick up some things for the house. We wound up at the new home store. We were hungry, so we stopped in their deli … While I was standing at the counter waiting for my food, this gal caught my eye. I felt drawn to her and, for some strange reason, the idea came into my head that she was Shelly. I started discretely checking her out … She was pretty. Trim in an athletic sort of way, with clear, radiant skin. It was quite unnerving. As I sat down to eat with Lea, I confessed my “obsession.” When we got up to leave, this gal did also. She directed a question about the store to me, making conversation. She was very pleasant and sweet. I thought, if this is Shelly, does she know who I am? I hadn’t found any pictures of her when I went through Ray’s stuff, so I was at a disadvantage. Real crazy thinking. I knew Read more

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“I Don’t Think We’re In Kansas Anymore, Toto.”

flowers in field

Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO

 

DREAM LOGS

Dream, April 1, 1994“Eric and I are going out for dinner … he gives me flowers … he presents me with a white silk kimono. There is a hand-painted symbol on the front. Broad yet delicate brush strokes form a red circle, and deep blue strokes run vertically through the circle. Very oriental in character … custom made for me … he kisses me … I don’t resist … he’s trying to give me what he feels I need … I am grateful …”

Dream, April 2, 1994 “Ray and I are sleeping on a mattress, on the floor in the back bedroom. We start to make love … It surprises me that he would want to do this … I awaken (in the dream) and realize I was dreaming … and see him sleeping in a fetal position … I try to wake him but he is in a deep sleep … Then I really wake up.”

Dream, April 3 “Ray is moving his stuff out. I find razor blades scattered on our bed … I show them to him …“


2010:  If you asked me to list five things that had an impact on me as a child, dreams would be on that list. Voices. Visions. Nightmares. The line between the waking world and dreaming world was often fuzzy.

I always had vivid dreams. As I grew older I got comfortable with them and gradually learned to welcome their wisdom. Dreams offered another view – another way to look at and process things that were going on in my life. (Take away the psychology and I had a front row seat at the movies every night!)

I don’t think there is a one of us who isn’t a little bit curious about our dreams. Ever notice how your dream time gets more active when you’re going Read more

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The Law of Attraction in Action

Sunflower

Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO

LIONS

AND TIGERS

AND BEARS … OH MY!!!

MISDIRECTED INTENTIONS

Journal, March 29, 1994 “Where did my imaginings take me? I was afraid Ray would find another woman because he no longer seemed to desire me. How did I reinforce that fear?”

Spirit Dialog “… You do not need to lose hope, but you cannot find hope in external signs from him. It must come from your connection with what you “know,” as when you first met … See how your fears have created your part in this. Do the work Sandra gives you to get clear … You are no less because he thinks he wants you not. You have always looked to the men in your life to place your value. You must want you. You must value you. How else will you know what, in your experience, is worth the attention and so the “intention” that you give? It is intentions that create your life experience. Where would misdirected or misunderstood intentions place your life?

Where are you now? Do you like this place of misdirected intentions? Then start learning and stop looking at what you don’t have, or you Read more

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The Midnight Cowgirl

StoneMountainSunset

Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO

 

EVERYBODY’S TALKING AT ME. I DON’T HEAR A WORD THEY’RE SAYING. ONLY THE ECHOES OF MY MIND. – Harry Nilsson • Midnight Cowboy

Journal, March 27, 1994 “An awful afternoon, sorting through tax papers and receipts with Ray … I can’t believe I was so pathetic as to admit to him that I wanted to make love, one last time. And even more – I can’t believe his response …”

Spirit Dialog “We told you, “Do not ask for what cannot be given,” and yet you did. You asked for it and so have made it harder on yourself … You still do not trust. You still do not let go. You continue to beat yourself up with looking to him. He does not know … Put your wedding ring in the God box if you must. It really does not matter, nor will it alter the course. What will come to pass will do so. Keep writing.”

2010: Ever ask for help then do the opposite of what you’re told? I wasn’t going to post this because it was pretty pathetic. I can say that today Read more

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Angel Whispers. Spirit Dialogs.

KZPurpleSky

Photos – Courtesy of Karla Zdroik

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “what now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book – taken from my journal then. These posts reveal pieces of the journey in a “that was then, this is now” format with my posting days matching journal entry days. (Sort of a time-fusion.) I hope this project focus will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t or might. XO

 

ANGEL WHISPERS. SPIRIT DIALOGS.

Journal, March 26, 1994 “I’ve gone back and read quite a few pages from my journal. I see a very unhappy woman in denial. How obsessed with Ray I’ve been! Even without Shelly, we could not have gone on without honestly addressing some issues. I’m afraid to trust myself with the information you have given me …”

Spirit Dialog “She is needed still, to make certain that you do not let him back in the door too soon. She is for you more than for him … you will see the transition occur … Use this solitude to know yourself and your connection with us. You must learn to trust and relax in the Read more

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