Posts Tagged ‘reframing’

Shades of Picasso

Monday, January 31st, 2011

Shades of Picasso

 

So, today was supposed to be a writing day for the Messy Room blog and I realized, about an hour ago after the “rescue-kitty” dominos fell, that my ideal for the day wasn’t going to happen. As I maneuvered through the maze of closed doors to make the cat introductions – again – and set the pecking order ground rules – again – I thought, “Why do I have this mess in my house?”

No, Ray hasn’t moved out. WE still own this house. I say “my house” because the drama between these cats in this house is mine. And their infringement into my writing consciousness is mine. (Ray is happily painting in the studio of his house  – with Reesie, our somewhat feral kitty.)

I’m sure there is a classroom in here but not so sure about getting a passing grade on this one. I don’t know that I will ever overcome my predisposition to be “distractedly” overprotective when it comes to cats. (All right, people too.)

After a few frustrated tears and lassoing Ray on his way to refill his coffee cup, it hit me; this is exactly why I re-purposed this blog. Exactly why it is now “Musings from the Messy Room.” I don’t have to wow you with insights and such. I just have to show up with my mess. So here I am.

If you have a moral to the story – or a mess of your own to share – PLEASE jump in! And don’t trip over the cats.

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 24 Comments »

The Other Woman’s Stand-In

Sunday, April 4th, 2010

Purple Flower

Photo – Courtesy of Casa Dresden

  • Then & Now Project: The journey from “I do” to “I don’t” to “What now” is complicated. This project shares snippets from my book (taken from my journal) that reveal pieces of that journey in a “that was then, this is now” format. My posting days match with journal entry days (sort of a time-fusion) and focus on what I hope will offer food for thought in your own life – whether you do, don’t, or might. Enjoy!

THE STAND-IN

Journal, April 4, 1994 • “The weirdest thing happened today. Lea and I went shopping so I could pick up some things for the house. We wound up at the new home store. We were hungry, so we stopped in their deli … While I was standing at the counter waiting for my food, this gal caught my eye. I felt drawn to her and, for some strange reason, the idea came into my head that she was Shelly. I started discretely checking her out … She was pretty. Trim in an athletic sort of way, with clear, radiant skin. It was quite unnerving. As I sat down to eat with Lea, I confessed my “obsession.” When we got up to leave, this gal did also. She directed a question about the store to me, making conversation. She was very pleasant and sweet. I thought, if this is Shelly, does she know who I am? I hadn’t found any pictures of her when I went through Ray’s stuff, so I was at a disadvantage. Real crazy thinking. I knew (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Then & Now | 4 Comments »

Are You A Definer Or Refiner?

Monday, September 7th, 2009

 

TreeOnRoof011

Where you land may not be up to you – but how you grow when you get there is.

 

Here’s an idea to play around with. The next time someone or something upsets you, ask yourself, “Does this define me or refine me?”

 

Why? Because your answer determines how you move through the experience and the baggage you carry afterward.

Let’s see what Webster has to say about these two words.

• Define: to determine the limits or nature of; describe exactly.

Hmmm. ‘Determine the limits’ seems pretty limiting. And ‘describe exactly?’ (There’s a crazy-making quest.) I don’t know about you but my life – and upsets – defy any exacting description. This defining business is feeling a bit tense.

• Refine: to free or become free of impurities. To make or become more polished.

To ‘become free’ and ‘more polished.’ All right. I’m exhaling here. This feels like something I can grab hold of when grappling with an upset.

How a Defining Moment Becomes a Refining Moment.   Stop. Ask the question. “Does this define me or refine me?” Make a conscious (more…)

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Posted in Messy Musings & Growing Pains | 6 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 4 of 10

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

 

Got You Covered!

Got You Covered!

 

GRATITUDE WHILE DODGING BULLETS

It’s easy to feel grateful when life is good. And it’s not too much of a strain to reach for it when life is so-so. But finding and maintaining an attitude of gratitude while dodging bullets? That’s a dedicated decision.

Before You Pass This Tool Up

I know there’s already tons of material out there touting the benefits of gratitude and appreciation. As key to the law of attraction, gratitude is enjoying quite a comeback. (Apparently our fast-paced society rendered its power a ‘secret’ to some.)

The path of gratitude – as a way for a ‘want’ to become a ‘get’ – is certainly a more positive approach to acquisition than some this world has witnessed. But limiting gratitude to conditional comfort zones is like restricting a Ferrari motor to a Yugo frame. (Don’t remember the Yugo? Precisely my point.)

Don’t Get Me Wrong

You can never have too much gratitude – of any kind. It is the one thing I encourage clutter clients to collect freely. Gratitude doesn’t jam up closets and knows how to share garage space with your car. You can’t grow out of it. It is never out of style. And I don’t know anyone who has died from an overdose of it. (A heart overflowing with gratitude and appreciation actually feels pretty good.)

But what of gratitude when you find yourself caught in the crossfire? When the emotional bullets start to ricochet and you seem to be the target? (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 6 Comments »

Companion Guide for Bernadette’s Pages: Tool Number 2 of 10

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

pinkarch010

“… listening to divine guidance through the emotional chaos.”  Suzanne DeMarchi, Cheshire, CT

REFRAMING
In this section, I define reframing, give you a few “under fire” examples, and finish with some reframing exercises to try for yourself.

What Is Reframing?
Reframing is changing the context (the frame) within which you view a challenging person or situation. Seeing your concern in a new way (reframing) allows you to make choices and take actions that can open the door to possibilities that were not previously “available” to you because of a limited vantage point.

Let’s Look At A Few Reframing Examples From B’s Pages
I was struggling with fears about our relationship when these words poured onto my morning pages. Seven months before Ray left, before HE even knew he was going to leave, Spirit wrote, “Do not give up on him. He needs you to be light … The way may not be easy … but you knew that from the beginning of this arrangement … He may need to find another woman … to see you anew … You must not walk away in frustration. He will not renege … Know this and remain true.”

Arrangement. Another woman. Remain true.

Spirit shot those words through with surgical precision. Past my censor. Past my “emotional chaos.” Their purpose? Gently start the process of reframing an event that had not yet taken place. The part about “another woman” saving our marriage was just too (more…)

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Posted in Bernadette's Pages: Companion Guide | 8 Comments »